Welcome to Who Wants to Be President Americas newest reality show where we bombard contestants with insipid questions from a panel of intellectual pigmies. Watch these men and the obligatory woman pander to the audience and dance around the questions in the hopes of advancing to the Popularity round. This initial phase consists of several ranking rounds wherein the contestants vie for position and funding potential.
Answers need not be relevant, must bash the current administration frequently; and must not disclose any plans (as if they really exist) to resolve current issues. Contestants may pummel each other for any reason in the trump move called self aggrandizement. Audience participation is discouraged however; the moderator may assist the contestant when he or she stumbles. Contestants are free to interject comments while others attempt to answer their questions. The official rules forbid interruption; we all know that the elected officials dont follow any rules so why bother.
The first round determines which of these contestants advance to the Popularity round. This round parades these selected contestants across the country where well meaning and totally uninformed citizens cast worthless ballots for their favorites based solely on looks and the candidates ability to strum the conservative strings of the constituents. This all important round selects the contestants that advance to the Convention round.
If they survive round 2 they will be paraded before the nation in the Convention Round where the Masters of the Political Machine make the final selection. The preselected winner will face off against the 2008 Champion and President of the United States. It is vital that the public remember they have absolutely no bearing on the outcome of this contest.
The winner is predetermined before the beginning of the program. This is contest is designed to distract the public from the more important situation in this country and is meant to obfuscate not inform.
Friend, dont miss a single moment of this riveting expose of American Politics and Power.